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QUOTE OF THE DAY

"What kind of party are these people having?" – A sex-toy company, after thieves broke into its warehouse and stole more than 30,000 condoms. Smooth criminals. 

BONDING EXERCISE

The Story

Goldman Sachs bought some Venezuelan bonds. And a lot of people are not happy about it.

What are you talking about?

Last week, Goldman shelled out more than $850 million to buy nearly $3 billion worth of Venezuelan gov-owned bonds. Meaning, Goldman stands to make a huge profit if and when Venezuela pays back the debt in full.

What's the problem?

Venezuela's in crisis mode. The socialist country sits on one of the world's largest oil reserves, and depends on higher oil prices to pay for its public programs. Problem, since oil prices have been low for years. The government's been issuing bonds to keep itself afloat. Meanwhile, basics like food and medicine are either unaffordable or impossible to find. There have been massive protests calling for President Maduro to step down. But he's not budging – and has been accused of human rights abuses while moving to tighten his grip on power.

What's the latest?

Earlier this week, it came out that Goldman recently went on this Venezuelan bond buying spree. And there are opinions. Many Venezuelans say Goldman is propping up an oppressive regime in order to make a "quick buck." Goldman says that it bought the bonds through a broker, not the Venezuelan government, and that it made this bet because it thinks Venezuela's crisis will "get better."

theSkimm

For years, the situation in Venezuela has been going from bad to worse. And now a major US financial institution is publicly caught up in the chaos.

REPEAT AFTER ME...

What people are watching...

Afghanistan. Last night, a suicide bomb there killed more than 80 people and injured hundreds. The blast happened during rush hour, near what's supposed to be a highly secured area around the foreign embassies. It also happened while a lot of Afghans are celebrating the holy month of Ramadan, which started last week. So far, no one has claimed responsibility, but officials say the attack was aimed at people heading into work at government and embassy offices. This all comes as US troops have been in Afghanistan for almost 16 years, helping the Afghan gov fight terror groups like ISIS and the Taliban. Over the past few months, the security situation has been getting worse, and yesterday's blast is another bad sign of just how unstable the country has become. Now, all eyes are on President Trump, who's considering sending thousands more troops to support the gov's fight.

What to say to your friend who's 'out sick' today watching "House of Cards"...

Real life is pretty dramatic too. Yesterday, it came out that White House Communications Director Mike Dubke handed in his notice. After three months on the job. Dubke was the Toby Ziegler of the administration, in charge of how the White House responds to crises. He says he's leaving for "personal" reasons. But in recent months, President Trump's been giving him a lot of heat for not having a solid communications strategy – especially after the decision to fire former FBI director James Comey. Many think this is Trump hitting 'reset' on his comms team as multiple investigations into whether his team colluded with Russia ramp up. Speaking of...the House and Senate Russia investigations have expanded to include Trump's personal lawyer, Michael Cohen. Yesterday, Cohen said he's not cooperating with requests for information from Congress because they were "poorly phrased." But he'd be happy to testify. Meanwhile, Trump's former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn is expected to turn over docs to Senate investigators in the coming days. Should be some light bedside reading.

What people are talking about...

Cleveland, OH. Yesterday, the officer who fatally shot Tamir Rice was fired. For lying on his job application. Back in 2014, the officer shot and killed Rice, a 12-year-old black boy who was playing in the park with a toy gun. The incident was one of many cases that sparked a wave of protests around the country over police use of force. The officers involved weren't charged. But the city launched multiple investigations into what went down. They say the officer who shot Rice didn't violate any policies that day. But, it turns out there were some things he failed to mention on his job application. Like, that he was about to be fired from his previous job at another police dept for an "inability to emotionally function." Rice's family says he "should never have been a police officer in the first place."

What to say to your friend who dresses up as Sandy every Halloween…

Send good vibes to Olivia Newton-John. Yesterday, the iconic singer said her breast cancer is back. And she's putting her US and Canada tour on hold. Newton-John was first diagnosed with breast cancer in the '90s. She beat it. Now she says it has spread to her lower back, but she'll be on the road again "later in the year."

What to say when you hear Scott Pelley's out at CBS Evening News...

Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili are on the outs too.

THING TO KNOW

Ether 

Bitcoin's hotter younger cousin. It's another digital currency that's been stealing the spotlight. Case in point: its price has increased more than 2400% in recent months.

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SKIMM FAVES

For your friend who ugly cried while watching "One Day"....

"The Light We Lost" by Jill Santopolo will bring you back. This read's about two people who meet in strange circumstances who keep running into each other over the years. Get it, then grab the Kleenex.

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