Skimm for July 18th

Skimm'd with confetti poppers

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Old age and dry eye" – The reason a woman thought her eyes were irritated. Turns out the irritation was from 27 contact lenses stuck in her eye. Eye scream, you scream.

THINGS TAKING A MEGA BYTE

BLUE APRON

The Story

Amazon is officially coming for Blue Apron.

Wait…back up.

Last month, Amazon said 'we're hungry' and made plans to shell out nearly $14 billion to buy Whole Foods. Since Amazon is the king of delivery, the deal made everyone else in the grocery business say 'oh sh*t.' Especially Blue Apron. The deal was part of the reason the meal kit delivery service was forced to lower its expected value right before it went public.

So what's the latest?

Amazon has filed a trademark for a meal kit service of its own. And Blue Apron investors did not take it well. The company's shares fell to one of their lowest points since the company went public.

theSkimm

As a private company, Blue Apron was estimated to be worth around $2 billion. As a public company, it's now worth a little more than half that, and it may be time to cook up a new strategy.


IBM

The Story

Yesterday, IBM said it's found a breakthrough way to give hackers the middle finger.

What are you talking about?

In recent years, data breaches have become the new black. Hacks on everyone from Target to Anthem have exposed millions of customers' personal info. In many cases, the hackers are able to get their hands on all the data because it's not encrypted. Encryption's a way of scrambling data so that it's unreadable. But it's really hard and expensive to encrypt loads of data in large batches.

So what's the latest?

IBM says it has a fix. It's developed a new mainframe, aka a giant computer server, that can encrypt billions of transactions in a day. But companies have to cough up half a million dollars to upgrade to this new system.

theSkimm

This could be a game changer for digital security. And give customers a reason to breathe easy when forking over personal and financial data to places like banks, retailers, and health companies.

REPEAT AFTER ME...

What to say when the group text can't agree on a day for brunch…

Probably not going to happen at this rate. Just like the Senate GOP's plan to repeal and replace Obamacare. The bill needs just about every Republican senator to vote 'yay' in order for it to pass. And yesterday, two senators put themselves in the 'nay' camp – bringing the total to four. Meaning the bill is basically killed. Senate GOP leaders have been editing the bill for weeks to try and win over as many votes as possible. Conservative Republicans say the plan doesn't do enough to ctrl + z Obamacare. So GOP leaders changed it to allow insurance companies to sell cheaper plans, so people don't have to pay for benefits like maternity and mental health care if they don't need it. Moderate Republicans are worried the plan's Medicaid cuts could leave tens of millions of Americans without insurance. So GOP leaders set aside funding for health costs like opioid addiction treatment. But none of these sweeteners have worked. President Trump suggests that Republicans should repeal Obamacare and build a new plan from scratch. Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) says that in the coming days, the Senate will vote on whether to do just that. Paging a political doctor.

What to say when your co-worker starts spreading a rumor about the boss...

Troublemaker. Earlier this week, US intelligence officials told the Washington Post that the United Arab Emirates posted a fake news story that sparked the Persian Gulf's diplomatic showdown. The one that started last month, when the UAE, Saudi Arabia, Bahrain, and Egypt cut off diplomatic ties with Qatar. They say it's because Qatar supports terrorist groups and that the country's too cozy with Iran, which is considered enemy no. 1 in the 'hood. As proof, they pointed to comments on Qatar's state-sponsored news website where Qatar's leader praised Iran. Qatar's been saying 'not true' to all of the above and that the news story was fake. Now it turns out they might've been onto something. US officials reportedly say it was the UAE that hacked the news site and planted those pro-Iran comments. The UAE's saying 'us? No way.' Engulfed in drama.

What people are talking about…

The Minneapolis, MN shooting. Over the weekend, a woman called 911 to report a possible sexual assault happening near her Minneapolis home. Two officers responded, and one of them ended up shooting her. It's unclear how this ended up happening. Minneapolis officers started wearing body cameras last summer to capture evidence in moments like this, but these officers didn't have their cameras turned on. The victim's family is demanding answers and authorities have launched an investigation.

What to say to your friend who says her gyno's just like Dr. Lahiri…

Mindy might be her own patient now.

What people are shocked by…

That trapped in the closet might be all too real.

PS: our app gives you 5 min reads just like this one every day. Get to it.

THING TO KNOW

Unicode consortium

Not a unicorn convention. It's the non-profit group that sets the standards for translating normal human language into computer speak. The group is also in charge of giving new emojis the 'approved' stamp. Thanks to them, there's now a breastfeeding lady and an exploding head emoji. *Sends prayer hands.*


SKIMM BIRTHDAYS

* indicates Skimm'bassador. Pop bottles.

theSkimm's Ryan Stuczynski NY, Sam Palumbo IL, *Emily Pateuk GA, *Savannah Willis LA, *Jenny Young VA, *Taylor Capps TN, *Charlotte Chilton CT, *Amanda Deutch CT, *Charlotte Rodgers NJ, *Lilli Flink IL, *Katy Flinn TX, *Leigh Ann Seidensticker OH, *Michelle Schmaltz IN, *Claire Frost GA, *Anna Van Buskirk TX, *Maddie Menefee LA, *Kaitlyn Ausborn IA, *Allie Koenig ES, *Kristen Henry NJ, *Elizabeth Gilbert CT, *Alisha Rowland WI, *Katie Morey CO, *Ashlee Brooks TX, *Breanna Males-Strickland NY, *Amy Gray FL, Abby Medugno OK, Robert Liguori NY, Carlie Castagno TX, Charlotte Chilton CT, Jennifer Harris GA, Ian Hammer KS, Jim Woods MT, Liz Steinhaus NJ, Joey Mattar MI, Kelsey Grundner NC, Melissa Neale CA, Viviana Ellis TX, Mary Frances Schwertfeger WV, Allison Paton WV, Susie Buzan IN, Olivia Wargowsky GA, Elaine Maltman NY, Deborah Schmidt NJ, Joel Ehrlich NY, Ariadna Natteri FL, Jackie Toledo FL, Jane Gannon NY, Lisa Sassano-Coyle NJ, Nancyann Griesemer Flood CT, Donna Colby CA, Gary Tamblin MI, Brad Quick NY, Gayle Ayoub MA, Lilly Kim NY, Sonia Mamroth MO, Sarah Davis DC, Nancy Jacoby CA, Olivia Carros OH, Jean-Ann Cooper CO, Jaimie Mastrogiacomo NJ, Melissa DiFalco NY, Caroline Watkins LA, Taylor Vest VA, Laurie Fenimore CA, Melissa Marinace MA, Amy Drouin MO, Emma Henderson NY, Ahmed Elayan WA, Heather Russell FL, Brittany Gohring TX, Kate Sutton MI, Edna Scott TX, Jonathan Hess IL, Ann Cannon Hoover NC, Terry Bloomberg MO