Skimm'd with chips and queso and the NFL playoffs

"All I want to know is if Ed Sheeran will play Ed Sheeran at Ed Sheeran's wedding" – A fan, thinking out loud.

SHUT'S GOING DOWN

The Story

Donald Trump's presidency turned one year old this weekend. Congress celebrated by shutting down the government.

Remind me.

Congress had until midnight Friday to cut a spending deal. Dems insisted that the bill include protections for undocumented immigrants who've been in the US since they were kids. Republicans said 'later.' Now, 'non-essential' gov employees are taking time off. The unpaid kind.

What does this mean for me?

You'll still get mail. Many national parks are still open. Your flights are fine. But if you need a passport, it might take longer to process. Meanwhile, some lawmakers are reportedly upset about a towel shortage in a Congressional gym. Priorities.

Anyone know how to un-shut the government?

Congress does. They decide today at noon if they're ready. Republicans want another short-term fix. But they need Democratic votes to get it done – and the Dems say 'no dice' unless a DACA fix is wrapped in. Neither side's been ready to budge. Trump has suggested the 'nuclear option' – a rule change so Republicans wouldn't need Dem votes. It's not catching on.

Anything else?

Over the weekend, hundreds of thousands of people turned out for Women's March no. 2. Yes, some of the same issues that brought people out last year are still a thing – like sexual harassment, LGBTQ rights, and immigration rights. The goal for this year was to get more women to the polls at the midterms. The March for Life in DC also took place over the weekend. Trump was the first prez to address the march on live video.

theSkimm

The US was pretty divided this time last year. Looks like things haven't changed. And there's no better symbol than a government with the lights off.

REPEAT AFTER ME...

What to say when your friend gets engaged...

You and all the royals. Today, the royal family announced the engagement of the Princess Eugenie of York. The princess – who's eighth in line for the throne – is getting married to her long-time boyfriend in the fall of this year. They're doing it in the same place that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are getting married in May. TBD if they use the same florist, too.

What to say when you score a great parking spot...

This is convenient. Today, Amazon's opening its first IRL grocery store – Amazon Go. There are no cashiers. Or checkout lines. Or credit card machines. You get in by scanning an Amazon app. Then cameras and shelf sensors keep track of what you've picked up. Not creepy at all. You leave and your Amazon account is automatically charged. The company's been testing the concept for the past year with its employees in Seattle. But this is the first time it'll be open to everyone. TBD on whether it opens in other cities. Oh, and sorry Prime members. The 'Zon is upping the prices for some of you.

What to say when that co-worker gets a promotion and a raise...

What else is new. Yesterday was the NFL championships. Surprise, the New England Patriots are going to the Super Bowl for the millionth time. They came from behind to beat the Jacksonville Jaguars. Because Tom Brady. Apparently his hand is fine. The Pats will go up against the Philadelphia Eagles – the ultimate underdogs, who lost their star QB and worked their way back into the playoffs. Not too shabby. But they've never won a Super Bowl. And the last time they were there, they lost...to the Patriots.

What to say when you hear Aziz Ansari skipped the SAG Awards...

The controversy continues. Speaking of, Rep. Patrick Meehan (R-PA) allegedly settled a sexual misconduct complaint using thousands of dollars of taxpayer money. Until this came out over the weekend, Meehan was on the House Ethics Committee. The one that investigates sexual misconduct complaints in Congress. Yup. In his case, a former female staffer alleged Meehan – who's married – made unwanted romantic advances toward her. And that he got 'hostile' when she didn't return the feelings. He denies the allegations. House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI) responded by kicking Meehan off the ethics committee. And calling for an investigation.

What to say when "Armageddon" is on…

Breathe, it's just movie.

THING TO KNOW

Pita Taufatofua

The shirtless guy who carried Tonga's flag at the Rio Olympics. You know the one. He just qualified to compete in cross-country skiing at next month's games in South Korea. TBD on whether he has a jacket.

SKIMM LIFE

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For your friend who knows the origins of that NERD/Rihanna beat…

This podcast is for you.

For when you need a new way to procrastinate...

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