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"Poor unfortunate soul" – One person's reaction to the animatronic Ursula that malfunctioned and lost its head on a Disney ride. (Mwa) ha ha.

SPEEEEEECH

The Story

Tonight is the State of the Uniom...er, Union. President Trump will give his first year in office a pat on the back and preview 2018.

When and where?

9pm ET, all major news outlets. Also here.

Who's going?

Both houses of Congress, SCOTUS, Cabinet, and the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Some people get special invites to sit with FLOTUS. And you'll see some lawmakers wearing black in support of #MeToo.

Who's not going?

Kiefer Sutherland. Some Dem lawmakers. RBG.

What are the talking points?

Unity…meaning Trump needs Dem votes to get his bigger policy priorities done. Expect to hear him call for bipartisanship on joint to-dos like an infrastructure package.

Immigration…as in the DACA of the town. Trump is proposing a deal that could make citizenship possible for 1.8 million Dreamers...in exchange for funding for a border wall, and cutbacks to the legal immigration system.

Economy…aka the stock market is on fire. This will be a victory lap for the Republican tax code, which was followed by a wave of announcements of bonuses and new jobs from corporate America.

Foreign policy...as in laying out the game plan with countries like North Korea and Iran. Trump may also mention his decision to move the US embassy in Israel to Jerusalem, which made waves.

Opioid crisis...as in the epidemic that's been blamed for bringing down life expectancy in the US. TBD on how much airtime the issue gets, but people are hoping it gets addressed.

Who's delivering the Dem rebuttal?

Rep. Joe Kennedy (D-MA). He's Bobby Kennedy's grandson and a rising star on the left. Pro tip: drink water first.

theSkimm

Trump just finished year one in office, but this is an election year, and there's a lot of Congressional seats up for grabs. So even though tonight's officially a State of the Union, it's also a campaign speech.

REPEAT AFTER ME...

What to say when a coworker talks you down at a meeting…

Going on my list. Yesterday, the Trump admin released a list of more than 200 Russian leaders and oligarchs…but didn't sanction them. Last year, Congress voted almost unanimously to pass a law to punish Russia for its meddling in the 2016 US election. As part of that, the Trump admin had to publish a list of people and companies doing business with sanctioned guys in Russia, and possibly sanction them, too. Yesterday, the Trump admin said 'no new sanctions,' PO'ing lawmakers. But last night, it did publish this list of people. The list is pretty much all of Russia's presidential admin as listed on its website, plus Forbes' list of Russia billionaires. Many are already under sanctions. People are accusing the Trump admin of phoning it in, and of going easy on Russia by holding back on more sanctions. The Trump admin says no need for new sanctions if the ones we already have are working just fine.

What to say when the host starts clearing the table…

I'm off. Yesterday, FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe stepped down early. For months, President Trump and the GOP have been calling him out as an example of what they see as bias in the FBI. McCabe's wife once took political donations from a Hillary Clinton ally. He also seems to be referenced in anti-Trump texts between an FBI agent and lawyer. McCabe will be on paid leave until he officially retires in March. Meanwhile, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein is also on shaky ground. House Republicans plan to release a memo they say shows he has biased against Trump. Rosenstein oversees special counsel Robert Mueller's Trump-Russia investigation for the DOJ. Dems say this is the GOP's attempt to discredit the investigation, and they have their own memo to prove it. The Justice Dept's saying 'wait wait' and that releasing this info could threaten national security.

What to say to your friend from Ohio…

Bye Chief Wahoo. The Cleveland Indians are taking their longtime logo off the team's uniforms starting next year. The one that's a bright-red caricature of a Native American. For years, teams like the Indians and the Washington Redskins have been pressured to ditch their logos and names, which Native American groups and others say are racist and offensive. The Redskins have always said 'not happening.' Now – after looonggg talks with the MLB commissioner – the Indians are saying 'happening.'

What to say when someone brings the drama on a group date...

Thirsty? Yesterday, Keurig Green Mountain said it's snappling up Dr. Pepper Snapple Group in a nearly $19 billion deal. It's reportedly the largest soda deal ever. Keurig is part of a fam of food and drink companies including Panera Bread, Krispy Kreme, and Peet's Coffee. The deal means Dr. Pepper and friends get to diversify – aka sell through Keurig's online partners and get a piece of the growing coffee biz. And Keurig could do things like use Dr. Pepper's distribution network to sell bottled coffee in stores. The world is their caffeinated oyster.

What to say before the super blue blood moon...

It's gonna be lit. Same with Strava's maps. In recent days, it came out that the fitness tracking app is outing the locations of US soldiers and military bases. The app lets runners map their routes and share them with users. Guess who runs a lot? Members of the US military. A few months ago, Strava released a heatmap showing where its millions of users have been sweating it out. Now, the Pentagon is saying 'problem' because the map could reveal sensitive info about soldiers' locations. It's looking into new security policies.

PS: Here's your Skimm on where US troops are around the world.

What to say when you decide to rock a cardigan…

Just like Tom Hanks.

THING TO KNOW

Punched a few cones

How they say 'smoked a bowl' down under. Your little cousin who studied abroad can fill you in.

SKIMM LIFE

For when it's too cold to go outside...

Grocery run is out. This is in. Meet HelloFresh, the meal-kit delivery that will give you haaalp with your resolutions. Even if you've already broken them. Plus, Skimm'rs get an exclusive deal on the price tag. Winner, winner, DIY dinner.

*PS This is a sponsored section

For when you need a good 'State of the Union' drinking game….

Sip every time you hear 'Defense Dept. Budget' and watch this video to learn more about where US troops are and why.

For when you're planning to stay up all night looking at the sky…

Download this stargazing app while you're at it.

SKIMM BIRTHDAYS

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