How do you know if you're asexual?

Dear Anonymous,

Asexuality describes when someone doesn’t experience sexual desire or sexual attraction to other people. It tends to be a lifelong experience. Some people may realize they’re asexual later, but they likely will have had an ongoing disinterest in sex throughout their life. That said, labels don’t have to be constricting. If you want to identify as asexual, that doesn’t mean you can’t ever have sex. And you also shouldn't feel any pressure to label yourself based on what you choose to do or not to do in your sex life. 

It’s also worth noting that asexuality isn’t the same as having reduced sexual desire. If you have low desire, you’ll probably think to yourself, ‘What happened?’ or ‘I wish I felt more desire.’ You wouldn’t have that if you were asexual. Low libido isn’t permanent. It happens when something prevents you from feeling the level of desire you used to feel at other points in your life, such as changes within an intimate relationship, medical conditions, medications, body image issues, and guilt or shame around sex.

Featured Expert

Vanessa Marin - Sex therapist and author of “Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life"