Exactly What To Say To Get What You Want in Bed

Putting something on your to-do list isn't enough to get it done. Because you don’t always know where to start or the steps you need to take. Skimm Scripts gives you the words, spreadsheets, or templates you need to get things off your to-do list...and get on with your life.

The days of settling for bad — or even just ‘meh’ — sex are gone. But having good sex means you have to actually ask for it. That can be, well, hard. Partly because women are conditioned to be hyper-aware of other people’s feelings, says licensed psychologist and sexologist Vanessa Marin. So how do you ask for exactly what you want in bed, without offending your partner? That’s where Marin’s scripts come in, with the exact words to say in the bedroom — minus the awkwardness.

How do I tell my partner what I want in bed?

First, Marin says to make sure you know what you want — whether it’s a fantasy, position, or specific technique. “I definitely recommend that everybody take the time to explore their sexuality on their own and figure out what it is that they like,” she says. We don’t hate the assignment. 

If even the thought of bringing this up turns your face red, it’s best to just jump right in when it feels natural. “You can talk about it right after you've just had sex. Do a little play-by-play, where you're just sharing positive things,” she says. 

Once you’re ready, you can start putting in your ~requests~. But don’t worry, Marin firmly believes that any feedback can be given in a positive — or, dare we say — spicy way. 

Here’s what to say if…

You want to try a new position or toy in the bedroom

“[POSITION/TOY] sounds really sexy to me. I'd love to try it.” 

“I had a really sexy dream about [POSITION/TOY] last night, and now I want to try it.”

You want more foreplay

“It turns me on so much when you go slow with me.”

You and your partner haven’t had sex in a while

“I know that we both have been so busy with [OBSTACLE] lately and just haven't had very much time to be together, but I miss you. What can we do together to create more time and space for us?”

You want to change things up

“I was thinking about that trip that we took to [LOCATION] when we did [ACTIVITY]. I really miss that. Let's do that again.”

“I learned some new tricks and I have something fun I want to show you.”

You want your partner to touch you in a certain way

“It sounds really hot to me right now if you were to do [TECHNIQUE]. Can we try that?”

“I'll show you what to do on me, then you show me what to do on you.” 

You haven’t been having orgasms with your partner

“I've been noticing lately that what my body used to respond to isn't feeling quite the same. I want to try to explore more of what makes me feel excited.”

You aren’t enjoying what’s happening and want to pivot

“Can we try doing [POSITION/ACTIVITY] now?”

theSkimm

You deserve to get what you want between the sheets. So don’t forget to whip out these phrases to help you reach the finish line.